Talking About Money with Family: A Healing Approach to Financial Conversations
Why Talking About Money Is an Act of Care
Money is more than numbers in an account — it represents safety, freedom, history, and even identity. For many of us, financial conversations bring up more than budgets and bills — they stir memories, fears, and deep-seated beliefs generally originating from our own family and experiences from situations concerning money.
Yet avoiding money talks can lead to misunderstandings, stress, or long-term consequences for our loved ones. According to the Financial Consumer Agency of Canada, “Having conversations about money with people you trust can build financial confidence and open the door to positive financial outcomes.”
At The Present Therapy, we believe these conversations are also about emotional wellbeing. When done with empathy, openness, and kindness, financial discussions can deepen trust and help families heal, grow, and plan for the future — together.
Step 1: Create Emotional Safety First
Before you talk about money, tend to the relationship. Financial conversations often require emotional bravery, especially in families where money has been a source of tension, difficulty, different opinions or even secrecy, or shame.
🌱 Tips to Set the Right Tone:
Choose the right time and place: Select a quiet, private space where everyone feels safe — ideally not right after a stressful event or during a family gathering.
Lead with empathy, not agenda: Begin with curiosity and care, not control. "I’ve been thinking about how we can support each other better financially" opens more hearts than “We need to talk about your spending/income etc.”
Mind your tone: Speak with soft voice. Breathe. Stay grounded. Your nervous system sets the tone.
Practice mindful listening: Offer full presence. Resist the urge to interrupt or “fix.” Sometimes, being heard is more healing than any advice.
No checking phone or laptop or TV screen: Being present requires our full attention and thus avoid checking your phone, laptop or TV during the conversation.
Step 2: Speak with Intention
Financial conversations can go in many directions — from budgeting to estate planning, debt concerns to retirement wishes. So it helps to know your purpose before starting.
🎯 Clarify Your Intention:
Are you offering help?
Asking for clarity?
Hoping to co-plan for the future?
Wanting to understand a loved one’s financial needs or fears?
Naming your intention aloud — "I just want to understand where things stand, not to criticize" — can prevent defensiveness and keep the dialogue constructive.
Step 3: Honoring Elders in Financial Talks
Talking about money with aging parents, grandparents, or other elders can feel delicate. But offering support doesn’t have to feel like overstepping.
👵🏽 Ways to Offer Respectful Support:
Start gently: “I’ve been thinking about your wellbeing and wondering if you'd like to talk about your finances — only if you're comfortable.”
Ask, don’t assume: Invite them to share their financial goals. “What’s something you’re hoping to do in the next year? Is there any way I can support you with that financially?”
Discuss safety without fear: Many elders are targets of fraud. Frame your concern as care: “A lot of people have been getting tricked lately with scams — have you seen any suspicious emails or calls?”
Offer tech support: If they struggle with online banking or budgeting tools, offer to walk them through it gently — or even make it a weekly routine you do together.
Step 4: Make Financial Conversations a Regular Practice
Avoid treating money conversations like a one-time event. Instead, make them part of your family’s emotional hygiene — regular check-ins that normalize transparency, planning, and emotional safety.
🔁 Helpful Habits to Build:
Start small, go slowly: You don’t have to cover everything in one sitting. Try a monthly or seasonal check-in where money is just one of many topics.
Share your own story: Vulnerability invites vulnerability. “Here’s what I’m working on financially right now” can open the door for others to share.
Celebrate progress, not perfection: Is someone trying to get out of debt, or learning to save? Acknowledge their effort, not just the outcome.
Step 5: Seek Support When Needed
Some conversations are bigger than we can hold alone. If your family’s financial dynamic is complex — or if past wounds are making current talks difficult — don’t hesitate to bring in support.
🧠 Consider:
A family therapist to help navigate emotional dynamics.
A financial therapist who blends financial planning with emotional awareness and support finding best ways,
A financial advisor for expert guidance on investments, retirement, estate planning, or debt management.
There’s no shame in needing help. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is to invite a neutral, skilled voice into the room. There is also a power in self educating yourself in different ways to navigate your own and family finances. The creativity can be utilized to create your unique financial path that will be working for you and your loved ones.
In Conclusion Healing Happens in Honest Conversations
Talking about money doesn’t have to be tense or transactional. When done with compassion, clarity, and presence, it becomes an act of connection — a bridge between generations, and a tool for emotional and financial healing.
No matter your family’s financial story, there is always room for growth, trust, and hope. And especially kindness towards each other.
